My advice to working mothers

Advice to working mothers is always a set of stock standard old fashioned suggestions on how to still maintain calm at home despite not being there.  These suggestions though well meant, always makes us feel rather incompetent and off balance somehow as we all try and juggle work, home, and play. 

We are told to be more organised despite the fact that we already spend endless hours making lists, checking them twice, not really at that stage giving a damn whether someone has been naughty or nice, we just need to ensure that everyone gets to where they need to be almost on time with the required kit. 

We are told to be present, whether at work or at home despite the fact that the last time I was fully present doing only one thing at any given time was probably when I was seventeen years old and desperately trying to do algebra.  Every single mom I know is doing at least four things at once.  Case in point, I was attending a very important meeting yesterday, listening to a fascinating discussion about the Brexit scenario whilst buying groceries for my little family online.  Only after I had completed my purchases did I realise that we have about 4 kilograms of baby tomatoes on the way, so my people will be eating tomatoes for most of the weekend, its healthy and if cooked it’s also good for men’s wellbeing according to an article I read in Men’s Health regarding the male prostate after 40.  (I must again point out that I was doing my online magazine shopping whilst listening to Liam doing his homework, so I inadvertently bought the male version of my beloved magazine.  I am not planning on doing any pectoral exercises any time soon, but decided that the prostate article at least was helpful.  Upwards and onwards).

We are told to have really good support structures and people to call.  Well yes, but if you do end up calling the same person four times in one week because you are still stuck on the highway headed home, it sort of feels less like a support structure and more like an abusive one sided relationship.

We are told to take care of our spiritual and emotional wellbeing and to balance this out with some heavy intellectual reading.  The last intellectual book I attempted to read ended up gathering dust ion my nightstand for weeks, it may very well still be there.  I fell asleep after 10 pages and never managed to get any further, I was also busy with the Men’s Health article regarding tomatoes and prostate health, so I really did not feel intellectually under stimulated.  I have the balance of a 100 year old, so bikram yoga and Pilates will never work for me.  I do not meditate as I will most likely fall asleep and I am simply not into self-help books as I get most of my advice from Men’s (preferably Women’s) Health Magazine.  

We are told to ensure we get enough sleep, enough exercise and to ensure that we always eat healthy balanced meals.  Well, as you will see above, my family eats healthy balanced meals on most days and on the odd occasion we even eat tomatoes with every meal as we will be doing this coming weekend, grilled tomatoes and fried eggs for breakfast, tomato salad and something for lunch, tomato salsa and something for supper, well thought out ahead of time, don’t need any lists thank you very much.  As for sleep and exercise, these two appear mutually exclusive to me at the moment.  I joined a CrossFit / Functional Training gym and I only did this because the first class of the morning starts at 5am, so if I get up at 4:35am I can pack healthy tomato sandwiches for the kids for lunch, have a cup of coffee and still be at the gym at 5am, back home at 6am in time to make the eggs and tomatoes.  As you will see, not a lot of time for sleeping in.  I must point out that on balance I don’t feel sleep deprived as I easily fall asleep trying to do some heavy reading.

So here is my list of tips for working mothers:

Do whatever the hell works for you and makes you happy and does not result in your kids ending up as serial killers.

Get an app for traffic direction called “Waze”.  Waze is my new miracle find, I am always running late and stuck in traffic and Waze finds ways around this and guarantees that I don’t need to harass my friends too often to beg for lifts for my two kids when it does pour with rain and when lightning strikes.

Make sure that you tell your kids why you are working, make sure that you know why you are working and that the reason remains valid.  Do not just work because you are such a liberalist bra-burning feminist that who hates your job and who would much rather be at home (helping out friends’ kids with lifts) raising your kids.  My reasons for working are not financial in nature, I have a supportive husband who would gladly take care of me, I work because I really enjoy my job and I love interacting with people.

Try and do something crazy from time to time, I Zumba,  I have no rhythm and I cannot shake my booty like a Latin person, but I love it, I love the energy, the music, the people, the sweat, the vibe, all of it.

Don’t beat yourself up, you are doing the best you possibly can.  There is not a single person out there that can be a better mom to your kids than you, you work because of your own reasons be it financial or otherwise.  You have friends who can help you out, you have resources like Waze, online shopping for tomatoes (erm Food), you can ask for help.  Just keep on doing what you are doing and eventually you will find your rhythm even if only on the dance floor.

Take time out, go on dates with your significant other, have spa days if you can, or mini spa treats if you must, read a magazine, just chill.

And remember, above all things, tomatoes are good for the prostate.