I honestly never thought that I would be this ok with the idea of having a c-section...I hate the idea of having an operation but I am strangely at peace with my doctors advice that should Luka not turn, we will do a c-section. Either on the 13th or the 20th of April.
Gerhard and I had a major blow out about this earlier in the week as he still firmly (and naively according to me) believes that she will turn and will be a normal delivery. I somehow doubt this. He thinks I am giving in to c-section mania too easily and I know that come 12 April 2011, Gerhard and I will have a major argument, I will say c-section on the 13th and he will say give her another week...because you know that most second babies (96% in fact) will only turn into the head down position within hours of being born, naturally, vaginally, my vagina on the line here...
We also had a major argument as he had to go out with some work people last night and I was left home alone with Liam. I tried to put in into perspective over the phone this morning, but I was crying so much after he accused me of being depressed and needing some anti-depressants that I am not 100% convinced that he got my message. So just to clarify:
The closer we get to 40 weeks (almost 37 weeks now), the more I recall Liam's rather traumatic birth. I cannot help but feel that I must opt for a c-section as that is safer...I do not want another kid in NICU, I do not want the sole responsibility of Luka's wellbeing...I want to share the parenting burden and I want her out, I want to see with my own eyes that she is perfect and I want Gerhard to be co-responsible for her. I seriously will not last another 3 weeks, at best I can manage another 1. The fact that my gynea mentioned that Luka's hips will have to be sonar-ed for abnormalities because she has been in breech this long did not make matters worse at all...
I still come to work everyday, not because I am such a super trooper, but because I need to be busy, surrounded by people making a big fuss about me. This achieves two things, it keeps my mind occupied, and gives me about three or four hours of peace, not worrying if Luks is ok, normal, alive and also keeps me away from google. Secondly, people are genuinely concerned about me here, they make me tea and are excited about Luka's arrival with me.
Last night, home, alone almost killed me. I had to feed, bath and cuddle little Liam, all in all whilst trying to not think of the fact that if Luka arrives now, I would have to call Sekai in to look after Liam, drive to the hospital at the speed of light as Luka is still head up and google clearly indicated the dangers of suffocation and brain damage should a breech baby be delivered the natural way. All of this whilst keeping the fact that my gynea that I trust will be on leave from the 2nd of April to the 9th of April, so this would really not be a good time. All of this while Gerhard is having dinner with work people. Nice.
Now you try and explain to your husband that you are not suffering from depression, but that this is probably normal irrational and overtly emotional behavior for someone nearing the 37th week of pregnancy. That people who had previous traumatic birth experiences all tend to freak out at some point during subsequent pregnancies. That although I know its not intentional, I still hate the fact that he can 'abandon' me and my unborn breech baby for even an evening. That yes, it might be unreasonable, but I want to know what time (yes, hour, minute and second) he will be home.
That I am demanding, that I am emotional, that I would probably be better off being severely sedated for the next 3 weeks. That its normal.
Now you tell your husband all of this, without once being allowed to tell him "because I am pregnant, that is why..."
Gerhard and I had a major blow out about this earlier in the week as he still firmly (and naively according to me) believes that she will turn and will be a normal delivery. I somehow doubt this. He thinks I am giving in to c-section mania too easily and I know that come 12 April 2011, Gerhard and I will have a major argument, I will say c-section on the 13th and he will say give her another week...because you know that most second babies (96% in fact) will only turn into the head down position within hours of being born, naturally, vaginally, my vagina on the line here...
We also had a major argument as he had to go out with some work people last night and I was left home alone with Liam. I tried to put in into perspective over the phone this morning, but I was crying so much after he accused me of being depressed and needing some anti-depressants that I am not 100% convinced that he got my message. So just to clarify:
The closer we get to 40 weeks (almost 37 weeks now), the more I recall Liam's rather traumatic birth. I cannot help but feel that I must opt for a c-section as that is safer...I do not want another kid in NICU, I do not want the sole responsibility of Luka's wellbeing...I want to share the parenting burden and I want her out, I want to see with my own eyes that she is perfect and I want Gerhard to be co-responsible for her. I seriously will not last another 3 weeks, at best I can manage another 1. The fact that my gynea mentioned that Luka's hips will have to be sonar-ed for abnormalities because she has been in breech this long did not make matters worse at all...
I still come to work everyday, not because I am such a super trooper, but because I need to be busy, surrounded by people making a big fuss about me. This achieves two things, it keeps my mind occupied, and gives me about three or four hours of peace, not worrying if Luks is ok, normal, alive and also keeps me away from google. Secondly, people are genuinely concerned about me here, they make me tea and are excited about Luka's arrival with me.
Last night, home, alone almost killed me. I had to feed, bath and cuddle little Liam, all in all whilst trying to not think of the fact that if Luka arrives now, I would have to call Sekai in to look after Liam, drive to the hospital at the speed of light as Luka is still head up and google clearly indicated the dangers of suffocation and brain damage should a breech baby be delivered the natural way. All of this whilst keeping the fact that my gynea that I trust will be on leave from the 2nd of April to the 9th of April, so this would really not be a good time. All of this while Gerhard is having dinner with work people. Nice.
Now you try and explain to your husband that you are not suffering from depression, but that this is probably normal irrational and overtly emotional behavior for someone nearing the 37th week of pregnancy. That people who had previous traumatic birth experiences all tend to freak out at some point during subsequent pregnancies. That although I know its not intentional, I still hate the fact that he can 'abandon' me and my unborn breech baby for even an evening. That yes, it might be unreasonable, but I want to know what time (yes, hour, minute and second) he will be home.
That I am demanding, that I am emotional, that I would probably be better off being severely sedated for the next 3 weeks. That its normal.
Now you tell your husband all of this, without once being allowed to tell him "because I am pregnant, that is why..."
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