I think the fact that we are not sleeping (Luka is 4 weeks old today, so I have not slept for longer than 2 hours for exactly 4 weeks...) finally caught up with me this morning. Add to that the fact that I am trying my utmost to lose some weight for Tanja and Jaco's upcoming wedding at the end of June and breastfeeding and all that adds up to my body catching up with me at some point in time saying "enough already!"
So this morning I felt all light headed and had blurry vision. Now a while back, a good friend told me that visual disturbances are almost always a sign of brain tumors...can you see where this is heading?
So I got all teary this morning, looking at Liam and Luka and I literally felt my heart break into a million pieces. What if something has to happen to me, they are both still so small, I have not equipped them well enough to face the big ugly world outside. Liam is only starting to learn how to read now. Luka is 4 weeks old. If something has to happen to me they will barely remember me when they reach their twenties. I felt so unbelievably sad, the thought of my kids being motherless and all alone in the world.
Luka has been having some colic spells, come 17h00 in the afternoon she turns into a little monster. Liam has been rather demanding, actually being a little shit probably sums it up best. This morning's episode made me realise that they are my colicky baby and my little shit. I chose them, they were given to me regardless of the time we have together. Not that I actually plan on going anywhere soon. Its just that we often take kids for granted, we forget that they are precious, unique and gifts. So after that, things got a whole lot better for me. Of course I felt better immediately after eating some breakfast, but hey, sometimes we need these small reality checks to keep us sane and going. I also know that the only thing you can really give a child is love and security, both of them have that in buckets, they are well loved and adored not just by their parents, but by pretty much everyone that they meet!
Luka went to the paediatrician yesterday, she weighs a whopping 4.1 kilograms and she now has a teeny bit of bennets colic mixture at 16h00 in the afternoons, turns her into an angel. Gerhard jokes that he sure hopes her hangover will not be too severe, the paediatrician told me that I should give less than the prescribed dosage as it does contain alcohol. She also told a harrowing tale of a baby that died in a state hospital due to alcohol poisoning! What is wrong with the world.
Wedding wise, diet is coming along nicely, I managed to lose 12 kilograms in 4 weeks, and I fit into my size 8 cargo pants, yes, yes, there are wobbly bits hanging over the side, but still, I can camouflage that with nice tops ok. Not complaining too much on the upper end of the body either as the only time I ever have a decent cleavage is when pregnant or breastfeeding, both being temporary measures only. Sigh...
I told Liam in the car yesterday that we need to find him a nice outfit for the wedding. He then asks me if we are going to dance at Tanja's wedding. I reply that we will and ask him if he can dance. He says of course I can dance. So I ask if he will dance with me. His reply: "Nee, ek gaan met Natan dans" (no, I am going to dance with Natan). Natan is my 3 and a half year old brother...so Tanja, expect some boys of roughly the same size dancing with each other at your wedding...
So this morning I felt all light headed and had blurry vision. Now a while back, a good friend told me that visual disturbances are almost always a sign of brain tumors...can you see where this is heading?
So I got all teary this morning, looking at Liam and Luka and I literally felt my heart break into a million pieces. What if something has to happen to me, they are both still so small, I have not equipped them well enough to face the big ugly world outside. Liam is only starting to learn how to read now. Luka is 4 weeks old. If something has to happen to me they will barely remember me when they reach their twenties. I felt so unbelievably sad, the thought of my kids being motherless and all alone in the world.
Luka has been having some colic spells, come 17h00 in the afternoon she turns into a little monster. Liam has been rather demanding, actually being a little shit probably sums it up best. This morning's episode made me realise that they are my colicky baby and my little shit. I chose them, they were given to me regardless of the time we have together. Not that I actually plan on going anywhere soon. Its just that we often take kids for granted, we forget that they are precious, unique and gifts. So after that, things got a whole lot better for me. Of course I felt better immediately after eating some breakfast, but hey, sometimes we need these small reality checks to keep us sane and going. I also know that the only thing you can really give a child is love and security, both of them have that in buckets, they are well loved and adored not just by their parents, but by pretty much everyone that they meet!
Luka went to the paediatrician yesterday, she weighs a whopping 4.1 kilograms and she now has a teeny bit of bennets colic mixture at 16h00 in the afternoons, turns her into an angel. Gerhard jokes that he sure hopes her hangover will not be too severe, the paediatrician told me that I should give less than the prescribed dosage as it does contain alcohol. She also told a harrowing tale of a baby that died in a state hospital due to alcohol poisoning! What is wrong with the world.
Wedding wise, diet is coming along nicely, I managed to lose 12 kilograms in 4 weeks, and I fit into my size 8 cargo pants, yes, yes, there are wobbly bits hanging over the side, but still, I can camouflage that with nice tops ok. Not complaining too much on the upper end of the body either as the only time I ever have a decent cleavage is when pregnant or breastfeeding, both being temporary measures only. Sigh...
I told Liam in the car yesterday that we need to find him a nice outfit for the wedding. He then asks me if we are going to dance at Tanja's wedding. I reply that we will and ask him if he can dance. He says of course I can dance. So I ask if he will dance with me. His reply: "Nee, ek gaan met Natan dans" (no, I am going to dance with Natan). Natan is my 3 and a half year old brother...so Tanja, expect some boys of roughly the same size dancing with each other at your wedding...
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